Posts filed under ‘garbage sacks’

Dear Random People,

I’m going to write you some letters, random people. Please read these if they apply to you.

Dear neighbor,

Welcome to the neighborhood! You are actually pretty attractive, but your roommate is even more attractive! Anyway – we totally invited you to our pumpkin carving party (arguably the largest in the neighborhood!) and you didn’t come. Not a big deal. However, it has come to my attention that you have started listening to some tapes in your room every night this week, starting at 11 p.m. and not ending until around midnight. I know this because my bedroom and your bedroom share a wall.

Now, this wouldn’t be so bad as I’m sure I have played my share of music (etc.) and you may have heard some of it, none as late as 11 p.m. mind you, but that’s apartment life. What makes this particular tape horrendous is it is not music, but a single overly sincere voice going on and on about bible study. An hour of bible study, played at volumes so loud that it sounds like it is coming from right outside my window. And the man’s voice is so annoying – sort of that over-dramatization and enunciation that is present in many a raconteur. Like a man talking in a mirror, but pretending that instead of the mirror there are 10,000 eager listeners.

Neighbor, I like you. You seem pleasant enough even though you snubbed our awesome party (we didn’t need you anyway, the apartment was packed. So take that). But please, please, please turn down your bible study. We all need hobbies, and I enjoy a good read every night in bed. I just don’t have a guy on my stereo turned up to 11 telling me how or why I should be reading my copy of Sock Monkey. Headphones, my dear.

Your Neighbor

Dear girl working at motorcycle parts store,

Whoa! You are a girl, working at a motorcycle parts store. How’s it going? Do you ride motorcycles and stuff? You are actually pretty not bad looking. What’s the deal here? What do you do? Do you like old Hondas?

You know what? You are probably into those crotchrocket jocks, guys who wear bright green leathers to match their fruit loop looking bikes. You totally bum me out, girl worling at motorcycle parts store! I’ll just take two of those inline filters and be on my way.

Until next time,
Customer Robert

Dear Cocker Spaniels,

How did you come about? What sort of sick bastard hundreds of years ago bred YOU? How in the heck did you become desirable? Sure, I’m not a dog person. But I enjoy a good dog here and there, as long as I don’t live with them. Give me a nice lab, a good mutt, a frisky Dachsund, or a proud Husky! But a Cocker Spaniel? You are the worst of dogs! Quit howling everytime you hear a fire siren! Plus, you look like Linda Hamilton from the first Terminator movie. (Please see attached).

Eternally annoyed at your existence,
Spaniel kicker


November 18, 2008 at 10:57 am 8 comments

“hire me”

October 30, 2008 at 2:06 pm 4 comments

My Experience with Mac Performance


I’ve ranted on here before that I have less than desirable luck sometimes. And yes, to put everything in perspective, at least I don’t have a deadly disease etc etc etc. But that still doesn’t negate the fact that something in my stars just doesn’t line up sometimes, and pretty much everything goes to crap.

Take for instance my experience with Mac Performance – a custom exhaust shop out of Temecula, California. They make all sorts of pipes for cars, motorcycles, etc. They also are one of the only places that still makes aftermarket pipes for the CL/CB 350.

As my scrambler pipes are shot, I decided to order a set of 2 into 1 pipes from them. I first placed my order about 3 weeks ago, on a Thursday. I called and asked if they had them in stock, and they said yes. I said “that is wonderful news, I would like to order a set of these very nice, very chromy pipes.” “No problemo – they will be there on Tuesday, because of the holiday weekend.” “Ok, I said. Thank you very much.”

Tuesday comes around, and no pipes. I check my bank account, and they haven’t even charged me for them yet. So I call them up and ask them what the deal is with my order. The man on the phone says “you know those are out of stock, right?” I reply calmly (with a minimum amount of snark) “no – why would I order something that is out of stock? You guys told me you had them in stock. When will they be back in stock?” He answers “I have no idea.” You have no idea? You are the manufacturer of these pipes, and you have no idea? I cancel my order.

Everywhere else on the internet is completely out of stock of these pipes as well, and every place I call doesn’t know when they will get them back in stock, because Mac Performance doesn’t know. So I resign myself to having to get stock CB headers and replacement exhausts – something that is undesirable to me because I don’t like the look. However, a smooth running bike is more important to me.

(Way more boring junk after the jump)


September 22, 2008 at 11:09 am 5 comments


Today has been frustrating, to say the least.

First off – my motorcycle is idling/running like crap. I know it is the carbs, and I have really awesome racing carbs to replace them, but I need backup transportation because of Murphy’s Law.

So that’s my Vespa, and I’ve received everything except one part. Unfortunately, I can’t get started until I get my case ports matched to my new Polini 130 kit, something that requires shaving away the aluminum and possible welding extra aluminum on some parts. This I can’t do. So hopefully Bar Italia can do it this weekend, I have to call tomorrow. They really are the best in Los Angeles. So, if this happens, I can spend my weekend putting my engine back together. I’m really crossing my fingers here.

Back to the motorcycle. My idle is just all over the map – I think I’ve traced it down to my left carb but no matter what I do with adjustments of idle and the air/gas mixture screw, it just does all this unpredictable crap. I think there must be a blockage in my low-speed jet. Tonight, I was going to a concert in Echo Park and I smelled oil… a very distinct oil smell. It was my oil, I’m leaking out of my head gasket for some reason. Not copious amount, but enough for me to get a whiff of half oil/half synthetic. So add that to my list.

Anyway, got to the concert and my bike is just way too hot, oily, and idling like a pitbull with emphysema (brwargle, putt putt rawgle rawgle). Alex calls and his car is kaput, and there is still 2 hours before the band I wanted to see will even go on. I decide I’m in no mood to be in The Echo by myself for three hours, so I decide to bag it. I swing by Amoeba on the way back and pick up The Circus Devils latest album, “Sgt. Disco.” 

So now I’m waiting for my bike to cool down so I can go pull off that left carb and see what the hell is going on. Of course, this is the carb on the side of the scrambler pipes, so I’m going to try and finagle the carb past the pipes so I don’t have to take everything off. Maybe I’ll just get up early and do all this tomorrow.

I’m in a very, very, very bad mood today.

June 26, 2008 at 9:56 pm 5 comments

murgle (Updated… so not as murgle)

This morning, my bike started making a horrible, horrible noise about 5 minutes from the office. I’m not exactly 100% sure what the problem is, but I’m sort of really, really tired of working in my bike. The exhaustion stems from this weekend when I tried to install my new racing carbs.

To put it lightly, the entire thing was a big fat fuck up. They wouldn’t fit on the rubber intakes, I messed up the cabling system, I have no idea if they are even jetted correctly, etc. I spent all Friday night and half of Saturday putting them on, and then taking them off and putting my old ones back on. Except I had to make a new cable system for my old carbs which took a while and was frustrating. However, because of the new cable system my throttle is much, much easier to use now. And I patched my exhaust so my bike sounds much better. Except for the horrible noise that just started today.

God damnit. Seriously. I enjoy working on my bikes, but not every damn night of every damn weekend. I’m about ready to give up and go buy a damn sedan. Kidding. But damnit.

So I’m going to wait to do my carbs until my Vespa is back on the road. I guess this puts my trip to SF on hold again? We’ll see what the problem is when I get it home tonight and wait 3 hours for the engine to cool down (you have to adjust the valve tappets when the engine is cold).

FREAKING INDIANA JONES TOMORROW, AT MIDNIGHT! I gots the tickets, I gots the excitement!

Mario Kart Wii is really fun.

UPDATE: I went out just out and checked my left cam cover on the points side (where the noise was coming from). I unscrewed it and a bolt had worked its way loose from the tappet connector, so the valve tappet was just sitting there flopping around wildly. I can’t adjust it here, but I did put it back on and guessed at where the adjustment should be. I’ll adjust this back at home and I should be set. I think a bad oil seal I have on that side must have leaked some oil onto an already loose bolt and it just worked its way off. Either than, or Russian sabotage.

May 20, 2008 at 9:28 am 11 comments

Harley Davidsons…

Are for Lawyers and Doctors. And old people. They are overpriced, gaudy, and glorified recliners. I see so many HD stickers on SUV’s and BMW’s. If the temperature hits 80, people will ride their HD’s to work. Fair weather riders that wouldn’t know where to begin if their giant loud overblown motorcycles started to have a problem.

Here is a great critique of the new HD ad campaign from Hell for Leather. (Read the comments on the story, too. The Vespa comment is great).

I’m a firm believer that motorcycles should be a little uncomfortable. It shouldn’t be a giant wad of chrome with accouterments that rival Lexus’. If you buy a motorcycle then spend thousands of dollars to make it all squishy and comfy with big foot rests and a sissy bar and a loud stereo and a big windshield then I don’t understand why you choose to ride a motorcycle. You’ll sit in traffic like everyone else because your bike is as wide as a car. And you look ridiculous.

And the whole “outlaw image” of HD’s are ridiculous because the bikes cost so much. Early HD bikes were adopted because along with Indians, they were American made and cheap to buy and maintain. Now some of the bikes reach 20,000 dollars out the door.

I hate Harleys.

And One Percenters, please don’t kill me. I’m not talking about you. Don’t shiv me the next time I’m on Sunset.

Look at this dumb clown:

The sound of that ridiculous bike crashing is music to my ears.

I’m a little salty today, dear reader. Sorry.

And I’ve talked about stupid modern Vespa’s as well right here.

May 8, 2008 at 10:09 am 6 comments

bush league swamp pilots!


I got a flat tire. Second one in as many months. This was a bummer. I made it to Culver/Centinela, where I ended up pushing my bike the rest of the way. The knee was not happy about this. This took a long time. At one point, a man waiting for the bus smirked at me with this “look at this asshole” look on his face. Well pal, at least I’m not pushing 40 and worried about finding $1.25 in change so I can ride the bus.

Finally made it to Isabelle and Charley’s and watched “Point Break.” That Bhodi is just so… so free. It’s him against the system, man!


I figured I would pop the tire off like a bottle cap and change the tube in 30 minutes flat. This was not right. I didn’t have the proper irons, struggled with it for a long time, then finally gave up and carried the removed wheel and tired to the motorcycle shop where they were pleased to charge me 90 dollars to replace the tube and clean and balance my wheel. Thanks. Replaced my rear brakes, went to SM and picked up a Stephen Malkmus album (Face the Truth) and went home and it was already getting dark. That damn back tire wasted my Saturday.


Went to Strohs’ Gourmet with Alex and Jaxon. I hadn’t hung out with Jaxon in a week, it was great. We all went shopping together (it’s not gay) and I got some pants, and I swear Levi’s has changed their definition of 32/32. I put them on when I got home and they are at least 34 length… so I’m returning those sometimes this week and switching jeans. Then we played pool for hours and went and saw “Iron Man” at the late late show – it was really good! In fact, I loved it! I got home, got a message that bummed me out and lay awake until 3 or 4 a.m.? Blah. My knee started aching halfway through the movie and it didn’t really die down when I got home.

Big plans this week, but none to be discussed here. How was your weekend, dear reader? Just because I know you are concerned – my carbs on on their way and in no time they will make their way onto my bike and soon my front tire will hardly touch the ground because of all the wheelies I’ll be pulling. You’ll see. I’ll show you… I’LL SHOW ALL OF YOU!

May 5, 2008 at 9:24 am 4 comments

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