Posts filed under ‘Aww crap!’


Let’s twitter! Oprah twitters! Tweets! Did you read my tweet? OMG did you see that tweet on my twitter? This is so much better than Facebook! I mean Myspace! I mean Friendster! I mean AIM! I mean ICQ! I mean IRC! I mean Usenet! Twitter is the future! Do an interview over Twitter! CNN has a Twitter page! Update your Twitter when you are hanging with actual people! Nothing in life is awesome enough to enjoy on your own… you must Tweet about it!

I’m so damn sick of Twitter, and if you Twitter around me I will punch you in the face. I know the internet masses are fickle and will jump on pretty much any hot new “web 2.0” app, but the only reason I don’t hope for Twitter’s demise sooner is because it will just be replaced with someone equally annoying and anti-social.

In other awesome news: Buy the new Circus Devils album, Gringo!

Feel free to disagree with me in the comments, I know I am a minority on this. But grown people are calling things they write “tweets.” With a straight face.

“Totes found a parking space, yo!”


May 1, 2009 at 1:39 pm 9 comments

Pop Secret Negotiations

Last night I decided to stop by wrench night at my friend Tanktop’s. I drove up to Westchester, and ONE BLOCK away from his house, my throttle cable snapped. It was amazing, crazy luck. I pushed my bike to the garage, Tanktop had a spare cable, and I removed the old one and built a new one. This is fortunate because:

a. I don’t have any spare cables at the moment
b. If I were anywhere else, I would have had to call a tow truck
c. My new pipe allows access to both carbs, which is required to remove the cable slack on the 2:1
d. He has a well lit garage with a motorcycle lift

I got it done in a little less than an hour. Phew!


And oh yeah:

Man: I brought the briefcase, but why did you ask me to bring the season salt?

Other Man: Because these aren’t any regular negotiations, kid. 


November 19, 2008 at 9:34 am

Dear Random People,

I’m going to write you some letters, random people. Please read these if they apply to you.

Dear neighbor,

Welcome to the neighborhood! You are actually pretty attractive, but your roommate is even more attractive! Anyway – we totally invited you to our pumpkin carving party (arguably the largest in the neighborhood!) and you didn’t come. Not a big deal. However, it has come to my attention that you have started listening to some tapes in your room every night this week, starting at 11 p.m. and not ending until around midnight. I know this because my bedroom and your bedroom share a wall.

Now, this wouldn’t be so bad as I’m sure I have played my share of music (etc.) and you may have heard some of it, none as late as 11 p.m. mind you, but that’s apartment life. What makes this particular tape horrendous is it is not music, but a single overly sincere voice going on and on about bible study. An hour of bible study, played at volumes so loud that it sounds like it is coming from right outside my window. And the man’s voice is so annoying – sort of that over-dramatization and enunciation that is present in many a raconteur. Like a man talking in a mirror, but pretending that instead of the mirror there are 10,000 eager listeners.

Neighbor, I like you. You seem pleasant enough even though you snubbed our awesome party (we didn’t need you anyway, the apartment was packed. So take that). But please, please, please turn down your bible study. We all need hobbies, and I enjoy a good read every night in bed. I just don’t have a guy on my stereo turned up to 11 telling me how or why I should be reading my copy of Sock Monkey. Headphones, my dear.

Your Neighbor

Dear girl working at motorcycle parts store,

Whoa! You are a girl, working at a motorcycle parts store. How’s it going? Do you ride motorcycles and stuff? You are actually pretty not bad looking. What’s the deal here? What do you do? Do you like old Hondas?

You know what? You are probably into those crotchrocket jocks, guys who wear bright green leathers to match their fruit loop looking bikes. You totally bum me out, girl worling at motorcycle parts store! I’ll just take two of those inline filters and be on my way.

Until next time,
Customer Robert

Dear Cocker Spaniels,

How did you come about? What sort of sick bastard hundreds of years ago bred YOU? How in the heck did you become desirable? Sure, I’m not a dog person. But I enjoy a good dog here and there, as long as I don’t live with them. Give me a nice lab, a good mutt, a frisky Dachsund, or a proud Husky! But a Cocker Spaniel? You are the worst of dogs! Quit howling everytime you hear a fire siren! Plus, you look like Linda Hamilton from the first Terminator movie. (Please see attached).

Eternally annoyed at your existence,
Spaniel kicker

November 18, 2008 at 10:57 am 8 comments

Donations and Fan Mail

Image: From the Austin Chronicle

Oh man! Two exciting topics in one handy post.

First off – fan mail. I’ve been reading a lot of R. Crumb lately, and I recently rewatched the documentary “Crumb” which really reinforced my feelings for the man. I really like his art style, and I can relate to his disdain for much of “modern life,” however I just can’t get into his comics. Anyway, I was rereading “The R. Crumb Handbook” and ran across a passage about how he used to sketch houses and then try and sell the artwork to the owners.

I had read the same thing about my favorite comic strip creator, Tony Millionaire! So I decided to write Mr. Millionaire an email:

Dear Sir,

I was recently reading an R. Crumb book, and I learned that, as a
youth, he sketched people’s houses and tried to sell the sketches to
the owners. I seem to recall you mentioning in an interview that you
did the same thing when you were younger. I wasn’t sure if you were
aware that you both shared the same curious “occupation.”


(oh man.. I use way too many commas)

I don’t usually write fan emails, but I have to admit this is the 3rd email I’ve ever sent to Mr. Millionaire. The first was when “Master and Commander” was going to be released. I wrote him an email asking if he was excited for the movie, being a fan of both tall ships and Patrick O’Brian. He wrote back almost immediately! Another time I was reading through his latest collection of Maakies, and I enjoyed them so much I emailed him a thank you letter for making such wonderful comics. He replied the next day with a hearty thanks! So this email would be the third. And he replied within hours!

Yeah but I wasn’t so stupid as to draw the houses first, I worked from commission.
He said it was a “hateful” job, I found it liberating.

Not only was it incredibly nice of him to reply, he also added a personal insight which was very delightful. Thank you, Mr. Millionaire.

So Mr. Millionaire makes one fanmail recipient. The second I’ve ever sent was to a local comic strip writer for “The Portland Mercury.” The comic doesn’t run anymore, and I can’t remember the name of the strip! It was running while Maakies, Dwarf Attack, and others were running. Pre-Perry Bible Fellowship. (Anyone remember this comic? It was drawn very crudely, ran on the left-hand side of the comic page). Well, I really liked this comic strip, so I emailed him! He emailed me back a very sincere thank you, and told me that fan mail like that makes him feel very good in an occupation of few monetary rewards.

And so – earlier this year I sent a third fan email. As you may or may not know, I am also a big fan of public radio! I listen the crap out of it. I discovered a radio program called “The Sound of Young America” (coincidentially through a Tony Millionaire interview). I really dug the style of the interviews, and was impressed by the quality of the guests and the general fun everyone seemed to be having. And they also embrace a philosophy that I’ve always held in the forefront of my life: being awesome!

After listening to quite a bit of shows at work and at home, I sat down and sent a light hearted email to the show’s host Jesse Thorn. I thanked him for making such a great program, etc. I didn’t get a response. This isn’t a big deal, as people are busy! I know these things. I just hope that he felt good that someone else had discovered his program and appreciated his work.


Last week I did my semi-annual “donate to things I dig.” I decided to donate to “The Sound of Young America” this time because hey, I dig the show and we should all support the things we like! Unless it has something to do with cocker spaniels. So I gave a one time donation to the show. Ga-bam! Weeks later and no response! I mean hey, we all get busy. And its not like I’m expecting an award for my paltry donation. But geez… that was my money and appreciation I sent. Even a form reponse would be better than nothing.

At least the show is the reward, and I encourage everyone to listen to it! I have it linked on the side of my blog, or right here. And if you like it, donate! (Do this for everything you receive for free).

I almost forgot, I also emailed Margot Adler from Justice Talking once, because it was going off the air and I really liked the show. I also had a question about law. She emailed me back too! What a nice lady.

That’s it. That’s what I pass for as a “post” these days. You get what you pay for, right? I could tell you about the epic hamburgers I made last night, but that would just be unfair.

November 6, 2008 at 4:19 pm 12 comments

Fringe: The Formula

I’ve discovered the formula for that television show, Fringe.

Here is an episode:

1. Weird, ghastly thing happens to a person or group of people, loud horn/strings section plays sustained (but intensifying) note as it heads into the first break.

2. Hot, talented Australian woman hangs out, gets phone call about ghastly incident. She gathers the team.

3. Cut to crazy old kook scientist being fascinated by something like a cellphone (even though he will do something later in the episode like take pictures out of a dead eyeball using a top-secret high tech camera).

4. Team shows up at ghastly scene… questions abound!

5. Crazy old kook realizes that ghastly scene is just like an experiment he did with Professor so and so way back in the day. Perhaps they should find him/the files/the experiment to see if it has any bearing on ghastly incident.

6. Hot Australian looks hot, Australian.

7. Team knows the problem, but they are lacking one key bit of evidence! Fortunately crazy old kook has an idea of a highly experimental but imaginative way to retrieve information. Crazy old kook’s son is flabbergasted. It will never work!


9. Team finds bad guy/thing, but all the questions aren’t answered.

10. Hot Australian girl throws boomerang, slams a Fosters and blows a kiss at the screen.*

* Robert wishes

If you’ve spoken to me before about television, you know how I feel about the format and the way it uses (manipulates) the viewer into drawing out simple stories into 6 seasons worth of cliffhangers and silly romances. But hey, I’m watching this show at work. Also – I have a crush on the hot Australian.

September 24, 2008 at 2:25 pm 7 comments

My Experience with Mac Performance


I’ve ranted on here before that I have less than desirable luck sometimes. And yes, to put everything in perspective, at least I don’t have a deadly disease etc etc etc. But that still doesn’t negate the fact that something in my stars just doesn’t line up sometimes, and pretty much everything goes to crap.

Take for instance my experience with Mac Performance – a custom exhaust shop out of Temecula, California. They make all sorts of pipes for cars, motorcycles, etc. They also are one of the only places that still makes aftermarket pipes for the CL/CB 350.

As my scrambler pipes are shot, I decided to order a set of 2 into 1 pipes from them. I first placed my order about 3 weeks ago, on a Thursday. I called and asked if they had them in stock, and they said yes. I said “that is wonderful news, I would like to order a set of these very nice, very chromy pipes.” “No problemo – they will be there on Tuesday, because of the holiday weekend.” “Ok, I said. Thank you very much.”

Tuesday comes around, and no pipes. I check my bank account, and they haven’t even charged me for them yet. So I call them up and ask them what the deal is with my order. The man on the phone says “you know those are out of stock, right?” I reply calmly (with a minimum amount of snark) “no – why would I order something that is out of stock? You guys told me you had them in stock. When will they be back in stock?” He answers “I have no idea.” You have no idea? You are the manufacturer of these pipes, and you have no idea? I cancel my order.

Everywhere else on the internet is completely out of stock of these pipes as well, and every place I call doesn’t know when they will get them back in stock, because Mac Performance doesn’t know. So I resign myself to having to get stock CB headers and replacement exhausts – something that is undesirable to me because I don’t like the look. However, a smooth running bike is more important to me.

(Way more boring junk after the jump)


September 22, 2008 at 11:09 am 5 comments

oh dear

More at Isabelle’s blog.

September 12, 2008 at 3:01 pm 2 comments

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