cottage cheese

May 29, 2007 at 10:44 pm 15 comments

OH GOD is anyone else sick of this fat cow Beth Ditto? I saw “The Gossip” in Eugene and they effing sucked! And I stood pretty far back from the stage, and Beth Ditto’s large frame still intimidated the shit out of me. Intimidated not because she is a lard ass and proud, but I was intimidated because I worked at the UofO during that time, and I knew I left a ham sammy backstage before the concert. You know she ate it!

And now she is the hot indy chick who poses nekkid on NME (does anyone still read NME?!) with the oh so provocative line “KISS MY ASS” on the cover! HOLY SMOKES! PUNK ROCK FOREVER! What could she do to top this? Flip off the camera?! She hates the establishment!

Anyway, in ten years maybe she’ll be on the forefront of the new “HEART DISEASE IS SO PUNK ROCK” or the “FUCK SOCIETY, LET’S GET DIABETES” movements. She is so brave to eat a bucket of chicken every single night. You know what? She also doesn’t even care if you think she is fat! That is how punk rock she is!

Barring all of the unhealthy fat talk, “The Gossip” still suck. Also.. Beth Ditto looks like a fat storm trooper who walked into a Pepto Bismol waterfall and accidentally got pink.

Behold:

gross
“Hi! I eat Twizzlers and fried cheese sticks and that makes me a real woman!”


“Look sir! Droids!”

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Entry filed under: garbage sacks.

Folk Documentary Heaven Wonders: Sonic Youth’s Washing Machine

15 Comments

  • 1. dave  |  May 29, 2007 at 10:56 pm

    I haven’t been keeping up with The Gossip or what appears to be Beth Ditto’s new found “breakout” persona. I’ve never seen them live. But I like the Arkansas Heat album. It’s the only one I have. I didn’t know the NME still existed. Thee Headcoats have a song called “We Hate the Fuckin NME” and its hilarious.

  • 2. Robert  |  May 29, 2007 at 11:25 pm

    Ahhh crap THEE HEADCOATS. Here’s how much we rocked, Dave: I can’t remember if you just played me THEE HEADCOATS or if you played them AND we saw them live. I just remembered The Immortal Lee County Killers show. It rocked pretty damn hard.

  • 3. kiala  |  May 30, 2007 at 9:55 am

    Um, hello? I was at the Immortal Lee County Killers show too! They played at Satyricon with Bob Log. The Third.
    I rock too. Even if I do get stomach aches sometimes.

  • 4. Robert  |  May 30, 2007 at 10:18 am

    OH.. I didn’t forget! I remember!

    Look, actually, I didn’t remember. And I actually thought the show was at the Blackbird, but now I remember it was at the Satyricon. I wish it was still open.

  • 5. kiala  |  May 30, 2007 at 10:50 am

    It is open! It re-opened…but its all ages now. haven’t been there in forever. Come to think of it, I haven’t been to a live show since, um, my friend Scott’s band played at some place in NE portland jammed with hipsters. It was okay. I played some pinball though.

  • 6. Dave  |  May 30, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    What I love about that scene in Star Wars where the Stormtrooper says “Look, Sir, Droids” is that he’s holding something like a fucking washer or o-ring. Oh, a washer. Must be droids. Because none of the other numrous pieces of equipment that exist in that galaxy would ever incorporate a round piece of metal in their design.

  • 7. Robert  |  May 30, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    Also.. why were R2D2 and C-3pO shedding parts like a VW doing 90 down a country road? What did that round, unbroken washer fall off of? Was it a droid friendship ring that C-3PO threw down in disgust? R2!!!!!!! Get back here! Fine. (takes off ring, throws it down – empire finds it, results in 2 more awesome movies and 3 other shitty ones)

    Good one, 3PO!

  • 8. Naterageous  |  May 31, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    This is the funniest thing you’ve ever put up, Dirt Dog. I saw the Gossip open for the Blues Explosion. BOR-ING! In other news, I’m going to gain 150 pounds (a possible vegan impossibility). Put me on the cover. I can look like Dom Deluise, too.

    You think you’re disgusted about Star Wars now? Just wait ’til George Lucas makes his 100 hour long TV series (a thing that is actually happening).

  • 9. kiala  |  May 31, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    Honestly people…the droids were slaves. Who do you think did the cooking and the cleaning and the…wait for it…WASHING?!
    Stormtroopers aren’t just pretty my friends. They’re deductive.

  • 10. Dave  |  May 31, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    Boom! She’s here all week folks. Yeah, Stormtroopers… they’re smarter than they look. But how do they pee? Is there a hatch or something? What happens if you sneeze in that helmet? I wish Lucas would spend less time fucking around with battle lizards and answer some of the important questions. How the hell do they recognize each other? Is this why they rarely talk? Because they don’t know who the hell they’re standing next to?
    Two Stromtroopers in an elevator:

    1: Heh, Bob.
    2:Who the hell is Bob, I’m Larry.
    1: Oh right, Larry… uh.. hows the wife?
    2: I don’t have a wife. Neither do you. None of us do because there’s no women in the Empire… ANYWHERE.
    awkward silence

    1: Hey, you’ve got a black smudge on your chest plate (points to chest plate)
    2: (looking down) where?
    1: (smacking 1 in the face mask) Jerk!
    2: (muttering) I hate this job
    command center: Yeah, Larry, this is command central… Your com-link is on. We all heard that. Darth Vader wants to see you in his office.
    1: ooooooooo…. you’re in trouble.

  • 11. Robert  |  May 31, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    First off: Anyone can gain 150 pounds nate.. even vegans! Just eat pasta, cheese, and beer.

    Kiala: I GET IT. The washing! The washing? Washer? Anyway, they can’t wash or their joints will freeze up. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to power down for a while to recharge my batteries.

  • 12. Robert  |  May 31, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    DAVE:

    I’m a fucking dork. Case in point: In Star Wars 2: The Extra Sucky One (Clone Wars) we learn that storm troopers are all exact clones of Boba Fett’s daddy: Jango Fett!

    Now, excuse me while I somehow roll back the last 12 years in my life and move into my mom and dad’s basement where I will never kiss a girl and I will write fan fiction for my website: starwarsistheraddeststartrekisthebaddest.com

  • 13. dave  |  May 31, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    JedisruleTrekiesdrool.com is another possibiltiy. I’m almost afraid to type these in. They probably already fucking exist. While we are on the dork train I might as well enjoy a station stop myself: Yes washing in the conventional sense would probably freeze up the droid’s joints, but in the first Star Wars doesn’t 3PO take some kind of oil bath or some such shit?

  • 14. dave  |  May 31, 2007 at 8:21 pm

    “People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch… Eat up!”

  • 15. Naterageous  |  June 1, 2007 at 1:28 am

    um…
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Trek_vs_Star_Wars

    WOW. Bad wow.

    [audio src="http://neileslifestorage.com/Please_Purchase/1%20-%20Sloan%20-%20Underwhelmed.mp3" /]

    Good wow!!


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