Dive Bars

May 23, 2007 at 6:59 pm 4 comments

Remember that Nirvana song “Dive” off of Incesticide? God.. I haven’t thought of that song in years. But I’ve been talking about dive bars with someone recently and then I was talking to Nate and he said that the Blazers getting the #1 draft pick was nirvana and then it all clicked. Now I can’t comment on the basketball stuff since I don’t watch it – but I can comment on the uncanny coincidence of thinking of that song! It was great! I remember listening to it in my Dad’s garage.

Anyway, dive bars. Did you know they exist outside of Portland? And who knows if they even exist in Portland anymore – after I heard the Satyricon closed my soul died a little. Perhaps some Portland friends can let me know about the dive bar situation. I know the Matador is still open – Stacy has confirmed this.

God, anyway. Los Angeles dive bars. I like ’em. I like the Tattle Tale Room. Jim and Jenny like the Tattle Tale Room. I have a whole new big list of bars to check out now – new dive bars, wonder dive bars. I don’t like dive bars that call themselves dive bars. I like a good jukebox and, if I’m lucky, a pinball machine or two. This is what I require for a good dreamy dive bar. And of course – cheap strong devil drink.

Once I went home to Grants Pass and drank at this bar called “The Office.” They didn’t serve hard booze – only beers. And only these three beers: Hamms, Olympia, and Coors. Oh man, that place was great. There was an old drunk woman that everyone called mom, and this old guy I talked to didn’t think I knew what a mason was. When I told him “a bricklayer” he was so amazed he offered to sell me some drugs in a little plastic bag, but I know so little about drugs I couldn’t tell you what it was. Probably meth. Does that come in rock form? I know crack does.

The moral of the story is – sweet devil booze goes down smooth when you are in a place where you just can’t lose. (a rhyme)



Entry filed under: drinking, General Blabbing.

The Fountain garlic mouth


  • 1. charley  |  May 23, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    I went to The Office … last summer, I think. Anyway, they had Corona! Imported. Classy. But it’s true that the place is great, but I prefer the Wonder Bur in GP. Luckily they’re in walking distance of each other. A twofer!

  • 2. Robert  |  May 23, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    Two it!

  • 3. Dave  |  May 23, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    Utah, make it two! There’s a place in Medford called the Office… but its a strip bar. The problem with good dive bars in Portland is that they quickly become overrun with hipsters and become self-aware bad dive bars. Though Yurs has suffered some of this in the last couple years, I still stand by it as one of the best dive bars in Portland. Friendly staff, cheap strong drinks and a good jukebox. It’s one of those internet jukeboxes, which some people don’t like, but any machine where I can pull up Melvins, Sisters of Mercy, The Jam, PIL, Southern Culture on the Skids and Grace Jones in one shot is okay with me. And whenever some stupid frat girl decides she’s going to play “Lets stay together” or “Alice’s restaraunt” or some such shit, I can download the extended version of Type O Negative’s “Black No. 1”. There’s twenty minutes of lyrics like “lovin you was like lovin the dead” sung without irony. Take that bitch. Let’s see, Tony’s tavern is a good dive bar if you only want beer or boxed wine. And then there’s Dugos, the place where the drunks go after they’ve been kicked out of Tonys. Also, the Shanghai Steakery, if its still there. My friend Giacomo still considers The Commodore the only real bar left in Portland, and I’m inclined to agree. Cheap, strong drinks, Cramps on the Juke. Nuff said. Pip, you remeber The Commodore. Not only was it the location of my 30th birthday, but it was where we began that fated night where we were to be ejected from Berbatis. But not before we threw numerous objects including beer bottles, pool balls, pool sticks (?!), etc. down the basement stairs. And what did we actually get kicked out for? Because I pulled a flier off the wall? Idiots… us and them.

  • 4. Robert  |  May 23, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    Not only do I remember getting ejected from Berbati’s for you (gingerly) taking a flier down to look at it (and ok.. throwing all that stuff down the stairs) I also remember Yur’s having the distinction of being the only place that has ever cut me off.. and I didn’t even order the drink! I was drunk as a damn skunk!

    Also.. I was just telling someone about the commodore today. That bar effing rocks – hands down. I could get drunk there while listening to some awesome jukebox for under 10 bucks. DEM WERE DUH DAYZ

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