Moped + rap = throw a kit

Here is the hot new rap that has the scooter/moped community in a tizzy!Name drops some Puchs. This is awesome. Moped army.

Do you watch crappy sitcoms?

Consider theyself duly skewered!

Eternal search for the perfect L.A. bar

The perfect bar.

I pull up to parking lot and find a few Vespas outside. I walk inside, and the place is appropriately dark with lots of seating. In the corner, there is a jukebox with lots and lots of CDs in it, but no copy of Bob Marley Legend. The jukebox has “Under the Bushes, Under the Stars,” “Damned Damned Damned,” and “Murmur.” There are TV’s above the bar, but they aren’t playing sports, they are playing old weird horror movies.

I go up to the bar and they have the three devil brews: High Life, Old Rasputin, and Newcastle. And they are reasonably priced. And the bartender says “honey” and “sugar” after every thing.

In the other corner, next to the pool table and quarter machine, are Captain Fantastic and Black Knight pinball tables. They also have a cocktail version of Galaga and Scrambler. As it turns into evening, the bar gets a little more packed, but it never is jammed full, and there aren’t any hipsters or frat kids. Just a mix of people enjoying the social aspects of the most perfect bar in Los Angeles. Someone puts on “Fan Club.”

WILL I EVER FIND THE BAR I’VE DESCRIBED HERE?! Ahhhhhhh!

“Pass the word: the chicks are back, the chicks are back, yeah, the chicks are back!”

I GOT AN iPHONE!

I got one I got one I got one!!!!

I got a freaking iPhone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just kidding

The Silver Ball

I love pinball. Do you remember? I even own a pinball machine which I restored myself.

Unfortunately this pinball machine is still in Oregon. Everything else is here – except my sweet, sweet 1979 Gottlieb Countdown. I made a webpage about it years ago. Let’s see if I can find it.

Holy crap.. here it is!

http://www.geocities.com/youarefree/

It was last updated nearly 5 years ago. Holy shit. This was when I was still living in Portland. Here is a picture of my old apartment!

Look! There is the big brown farty chair! You can barely see my red couch (now back in my possession!) Look, it is raining – just like it does for 9 months straight up there! Oh nostalgia, you got me good!

God that was a cold apartment. But so nice and big, big balcony, right close to work and school.

Anyway, back to pinball. I guess NoHo Scooters in North Hollywood (obviously) has a pinball machine in back. Pinball is scarce here in L.A., at least on the west side. I can’t find any old machines in bars or anything. That is why I need to get my table down here. Pinball badassery.

Favorite pinball machines, you ask? My Count-Down, Gottlieb Charlie’s Angels, Medieval Madness, the Indiana Jones widebody, Bally Rolling Stones, and F-14 Tomcat. Those are just a few. Do you have any favorites? (If it is Addam’s Family, I’ll slap you in the face).

In case you want to know…

If you watched all 3 Die Hard movies and all 4 Lethal Weapon movies back to back, it would take you 14 hours and 15 minutes.

Not a wasted day, I do believe!

Pollard’s Happy Jack Rock Singles Club

I love gettin’ mail.

That’s why I joined the Happy Jack Rock Singles Club! Nooo.. not those kind of singles. RECORD singles!

I get one a month for the next year – 12 in total! Each one is a single off of the two records Bob is releasing in October, and the B-side is a non-album goody. Unfortunately, the track I’m most excited for (an extended version of “Isolation Drills” Frostman) doesn’t come out until 12 months from now!

I’m dreading the anticipation of each record, each month. What have I done?! “Mail order is so exciting, yet so excruciating!” (I just dropped some Animal Crossing – oh snap).

Couldn’t sum it up any better

[14:00] eltonjohnpre1975: i love music! i’m crazy for it!
[14:01] mrnaterageous: it’s like cocoa puffs

Smart crows

I like crows. And chickens. (Join my club)

Anyway – there is a giant crow here at work, he is as big as a chicken! I like how they walk around, and of course I love Drinky Crow. Here are two great videos about smart crows:

This is a great crow! He makes a tool! I want a pet crow so I can watch him create tools for other purposes. Also:

I can’t believe how cute that crow is who waits to walk into traffic.

Now.. crows or ravens? Or both? I don’t know the difference, I just like how black they are and how smart they are. They are so dark they are like walking silhouettes. I want to befriend crows and become master of the crows!

I don’t like “The Crow” movie.

Sorting through another lifetime

Wow.. my mom and sister brought a ton of stuff down from storage. I’ve been sorting through it this morning. A lot of stuff from Eugene, some stuff from Portland. I got a few nostalgic feelings here and there.

I threw most of it away. The good news is my beloved red vinyl couch is back in my possession and ready for that reupholster job I’ve been promising it for years. Also, my cocktail shaker is back, so let’s make some bloody marys, have us a Lethal Weapon marathon, and listen to that Daniel Johnston tape I’ve had forever, but didn’t have a tape player for.

Smashing Pumpkins give the ol’ EFF YOU to everyone

via Pitchfork:

Smashing Pumpkins are releasing FOUR different versions of their new album “Zeitgeist.” Semi-evil Target gets the title track as a bonus, fully-evil Best Buy gets “Death From Above” (already a Turbonegro song, suckers!), Only 1% evil iTunes gets “Stellar,” and all the other people in the world who choose to support indie stores get jack shit.

Are you serious?

AND… then I hear that the “regrouped” Smashing Pumpkins is just Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin. No James Iha, no D’arcy. THAT AIN’T THE SMASHING PUMPKINS, SON. That’s freaking ZWAN PLUS (or ZWAN+).

So here is the story, kids. To get the real album, go to your local indie store (like Amoeba.. yah!) and pick up the standard album, then go get a piratin’ and download the other three tracks that will show up somewhere online approximately 2 seconds after this album is released.

Or give a big EFF YOU to Zwan Plus and don’t pick up the album at all. Ridickerous.

Land of the Lost

Look.. I generally look down upon the whole nostalgia trip as a bunch of people who never figured out how to grow up, so they still listen to Dookie all the time and most conversations revolve around that hilarious Simpsons episode where Homer eats a donut instead of doing his work.

But “Land of the Lost” is this shit. Behold:

First off, their SUV falls through a crack in the earth and then lands safetly enough to drive on through a cave to be encountered by… DINOSAURS.

“We opened the door, and found dinosaurs!” What a great rhyme. What a ridiculous show. But so ridiculous that it goes around the “ridiculous meter” and ends back up at the “silly but tolerable” scale. And it is also great because no one gives a shit about “Land of the Lost.” Yeah, you can go to Urban Outfitters and get your “pre-worn” TMNT shirt to prove your man-boyness. But drop “Land of the Lost” and you’ll get some blank stares. Maybe it is because the show sucked so bad.

There are triple moons. There are stop motion dinosaurs. There is a midget in a baby-dinosaur costume. I guess this is awesome/awful! No.. awesome. I love how the theme song illustrates that “this world is strange and new” by mentioning the triple moons first. But the next scene features a FUCKING TYRANNOSAURUS REX roaring in their faces! Yeah.. those triple moons are weird and wonderful and strange.. oh wow what a fanciful world we’ve stumbled upon OH MY GOD A GOD DAMN DINOSAUR!”

Anyway.. I forgot how I even found this clip. My hands are dry and gross feeling from 3 hours of cleaning my apartment. While cleaning, I listened to these great records this great girl gave me. You know who you are!

DIDJA?

Yeah.. I ordered 8 Guided By Voices buttons. There are white on black, and have the following sayings:

“SEE YA LATER SIDEBURNS”
“I’M SO FUCKED UP SO IF I FUCK IT UP FUCK IT”
“FUCK YEP”
“DIDJA?”
“TOO PROUD TO PRACTICE”
“GETTIN’ OLD AIN’T FOR PUSSIES”
“GUIDED BY VOICES IS THE DEVIL”
“WHAT SHITTY BAND ARE YOU IN?”

I should only probably wear a few of these to work. The rest will wait for later wonder occasions.My family is coming into town tomorrow, so I’ll be spending all weekend with them. This officially marks the first time members of my family have come to a city I live in to soley visit me.. as in that is the entire purpose of their visit.

Plans? Manhattan Beach. Wine Bar. Seafood. Farmer’s Market. I’m seriously so excited. I love visitors, and I especially love my family.

Flamin’ Lambretta

Oh man.. the guy in the background with his hands on his head pretty much sums up the situation. Ouch. And a fire extinguisher would have saved everything.

via 2strokebuzz

I got a garage, man

Some say it couldn’t be done. Here in Los Angeles. On the Westside. For under 200 dollars. I got a garage, man.

Want to hang out in my garage? Bring over the beers man. Hold on.. that damn dog is in the garbage again. GET OUTTA THE DAMN GARBAGE YOU MUTT. Anyway, my garage. Yeah it is right under my apartment.What’s in there? Just my bikes. And some boxes. A few closet doors. And me. I’m in my garage. It is summer, see? And I hang out in my garage. Yeah.. put the beers over there. Grab me one while your at it, why dontcha?

That stuff? That’s my hand cleaner. I use that to clean my hands after working on my bikes in my garage. Yeah, things get dirty down here. Not to mention our mouths! Anyways…

Come by the garage sometime.. kick the tires, shoot the shit. And if things get too rough, shoot the tires and kick the shit! Hahaha! In my garage. Ha.

Garage.