This is sort of the raddest/scariest webpage ever….

This is sort of the raddest/scariest webpage ever.

It’s the “Top 5″ most dangerous roads in the world. Barf!

Here is the best picture from the site:

That guy is in his underpants! I wonder if his pants got sucked off in the mud/clay.

CORRECTION: I’m not sure if he has any under garments on at all. Are the women running?

Four Old Rasputins

I got one of those “surveys” in my email. And I always delete them. Because… really.. I mean.. come on. But this one, I filled out. Because it was sort of interesting and fun. Basically, you go to your iTunes and put it on random and press “Play,” and then fill out each slot on the survey. This is pretty silly for the obvious reasons, but also for the reason that a lot of my music is on record or not on my computer! Anyway, for the sake of boredom, here it is. Oh yeah, by the way, this is supposed to be the “soundtrack to the movie of your life.” I’m pretty sure if I did have a soundtrack to my life, it would be a movie that is exactly as long as Turbonegro’s “Get it On.”

Opening Credits: Bruce Springsteen – The E Street Shuffle
- Um… awesome? I guess this started out pretty rad.

Waking Up: Morrissey – I Know It’s Going to Happen Someday (Live)
- Oh! So symbolic! The truth is, I would never wake up to this Morrissey song!

First Day of School: REM – Star 69
- Ok! I can agree with this. This was one of my favorite songs in high school. However, in grade school, I think I was more into the Mamas and Papas than R.E.M.

Falling in Love: Devendra Banart – How’s About a Tellin’ a Story
- Hmm… a lot of symbolism in the title of the song, but the actual song doesn’t really tell much about my stories of “love.” I love girls with scars on their faces.

Getting it on: Tahiti 80 – I.S.A.A.C.
- Do you want to know the truth? It was a Madonna song, readers.

Fight Song: Bruce Springsteen – The Wish
- Wow, too bad random chose a weird Bruce Springsteen b-side of his “Tracks” boxset for the “fight song.” However, I’ve never really been in a real fight, so maybe this sort of fits. I don’t wish to be in one, though.

Breaking Up: My Bloody Valentine – Map Ref. 41ºn 93ºw
- Awesome! A great cover of one of my favorite Wire songs! However, this is a shitty break up song.

Prom: Joy Division – Novelty
- It’s funny how you can shoehorn meaning into a random event such as Joy Division’s “Novelty” being chosen for your Prom song for the fake soundtrack of your life. I love Joy Division, though.

Life: REM – All The Way To Reno (You’re Gonna Be a Star)
- Oh sweet irony, please stop laughing in my face!

Mental Breakdown: Gorillaz – Don’t Get Lost in Heaven
- I had a sort of breakdown around the time this song came out. Actually, it was about a year later, and I didn’t listen to this song at all during it. BUZZER SOUND!

Driving: Prince – The Beautiful One
- I’m going to call this one a total abortion. I love Prince and all, but I can think about 2 or 3 times in my life where I’ve listened to Prince while driving. And they all sort of sucked.

Flashback: Django Reinhardt – Ultrafox
- A flashback to when? 1943? Bad choice, artistic director. Unless the story of my life has a scene where my great great Grandpa is farming some wheat and happens upon a gypsy guitarist.

Wedding: Robyn Hitchcock – Birds in Perspex
- If I ever do get married, I would like some Robyn Hitchcock there. So I can see this.

Birth of Child: Tom Brosseau – Ballad of a Wandering Farmhand
- Unless I adopt a child who wants to be a wandering farmhand, I think they missed the boat on this one.

Final Battle: Ivy – I Get the Message
- Uhhh.. why does “Final Battle” come right after “Birth of Child?” Will I be looking forward to a Final Battle sometime in my life? Oh man, I hope not! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Death Scene: ESP – The Buzzcocks
- Bad choice! “Hey! He’s dying! Put on one of the premiere pop-punk bands of the 70’s! (FIRED) Funny, while I’m writing this, Southern Culture on the Skids “Corn Liquor” came on, which is probably a more fitting death scene song.

Funeral Song: The Who – Going Mobile
- This is sort of rad, actually. I’m dead, and they are spreading my ashes, and they are playing “Going Mobile” by the Who? I’d show up to that funeral!

Closing Credits: Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan – (Do You Wanna) Come Walk With Me?
- Ehh.. at least people are walking out at this point in the movie. And I’m lighting cigars with 100 dollar bills in the back of the theatre, laughing hysterically!

What a crummy movie! I want my money back! Ironically, a White Stripes song came on during this blog post (Sister Do You Know My Name?) which I’ve always pictured as part of my life in some sort of narrative. Wacky and weird, dear readers! The truth is, I would never pick any of these songs for the movie to the soundtack of my life. There isn’t enough REM, Smiths, The Damned, Guided By Voices, Belle and Sebastian, or The Cure on the list. So much for surveys.

I’d love to see others people’s results to this. Dear reader? Do you dare?!

Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet fires in the street.

Watch me Jumpstart

… she’ll be there!

Had a good evening! Caught up with Rad Dog, hands down the best phone conversation of 2007. I played some Zelda after that. Now I’m a little sleepy. Big happenings this week.

Here is a funny tidbit, especially if certiain non-Lakers fans still read this. I got invited to a free Lakers game on March 27th. I don’t even really follow the NBA (I had to Google search what team “Memphis” was). But I will gladly go to a free game, especially when I get to hang out in the “Autotrader” suite and eat and drink for free! I hope someone does a half court dunk! He’s on fire! Ugly Shot! Boomshakalaka!

It is about 9:30 now. I go to Mexico in about 4 months, but it seems to be all I can think about. I can’t believe Katrina is getting married. It is blowing my mind.

“After the fire, there’s a falling rain, washing us free from the daily pain, off the hook and down the drain, and out to the other side!”

Hey Everybody!

I stuffed my face today. We all have to do it once in a while. Let’s recap:

The stuffing actually began last night! I made a salad with the full intention of eating about half, but then I ate it all! Then, about 3 hours later, I ate a whole thing of Annie’s Macaroni and Cheese! Geesh!

This morning, I had a rye bagel and cream cheese. Then, for lunch, I went and got a delicious sandwich from a place in Manhattan Beach. It was so good! While I was eating this delicious sandwich at work, these people brought out all these tacos and burritos! I ate two tacos! Then I ate two after dinner mints!!!

So I come home and do some “financial stuff,” which really worked up an appetite! I ate ANOTHER entire box of Annie’s! Then I go in my room and sit down, and I hear a rustling in the kitchen! I walk out and startle Jaxon, who is getting an ice cream bar. He throws the ice cream bar at me and I catch it.. and I say “I’m gonna eat it!” He comes over like he is going to take it from my hands, and he slaps it out of my hands.. a classic maneuver! So I pick it up and open it.. and eat the entire thing!

OH MY GOSH, THIS PAST 24 HOURS HAS BEEN GLUTTONOUS!

Speaking of startling Jaxon, I stopped by Blockbuster on the way home, and I saw Jaxon there. I thought “perfect!” SO I snuck up behind the “comedy” section and jumped out and yelled “I’M GONNA HUMP YA!” He got so scared and sort of silently freaked out. I laughed about it the whole way home, which I’m sure looks funny to passer-byers.

The big Week

I capitalized Week, but not big. Ironic!

I watched “A Prairie Home Companion” last night and liked it. Never been that into Altman, but hey… the guy is dead! (!!??!)

I played Wii Bowling about a million times. Wii games I can’t wait for: Animal Crossing Wii, Super Mario Wii, Super Smash Brothers… WII!

Pick up the keys to the new place Thursday, move Saturday / Sunday. MUST REMEMBER BIRTHDAY CARD FOR DAD!

I will be receiving GBV Suitcase 1 and 2 on Wednesday. Oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man. I’ve been talking with the “webmaster” (stupid term) of GBVDB.com, and he’s really nice.

I had a dream I was swimming in the ocean, and there were a lot of baby turtles everywhere. Hi, turtles! THEN, a shark appeared and caused panic. This is probably because I fell asleep watching Jaws last night.

SALT BAGELS, SALT SALT BAGELS.

Wii!

I got a Wii yesterday! I was at Circuit City, because I wanted to look at the “Nintendo DS” systems just for fun, and the guy was like “we have Nintendo Wii’s, two of them.” And I just sort of said “I’ll buy one!!”

Then I did. SO MUCH FUN! ZELDA and stuff! Awesome!!

I’m split!

Oh man! I really enjoy the Pavement songs “Two States” and “Unfair,” even though they are totally crapping all over Southern California! That’s where I live! But I really love Pavement, too. What should I do? I also love the United States, but I really like the song “I’m So Bored With the U.S.A.” by the Clash.

I also love the song “Rendeavous with Anus” but I don’t really enjoy having sex with guys. Hmmm… I think I have a solution!

I don’t necessarily have to align my personal views with that of the music I’m listening to! If I choose to, I can enjoy the music on a purely base level!

Ted Nugent box sets, HERE I COME!

Officially official.

I went and dropped off the deposit on the place today. Hooray! I’m so excited about it. Everything is new, new fridge, new stove, new toilet, new tenants (us). Plus… I get a secured personal garage for my Vespa. Ka-doink! Bonus!

Live Robert Pollard

Hey Nate! Thanks for the link to the live Robert Pollard concert. At work, when I was looking at the total play time, I was like “48 minutes?!? That has to be some kind of record for a Pollard concert.” Ah ha! Now listening at home, I know it was a SXSW concert, which typically keep their sets to 45-60 mins. I guess Pollard got the 45 minutes.

Does anyone remember NXNW in Portland, back in the day? Oh man.. Ground Kontrol was a venue one year.. it fucking sucked! We got some Christian hardcore?!? band, and another night we got the band (I think they were called Birdy Num Num?) and they were fronted by the DJ who used to play at the Matador.. what was his name?!? Dave? Do you remember? We used to request “Jet Boy Jet Girl” but he only had that version in French and it was sung by girls? What was that damn DJ’s name? He played some pretty good stuff, but I don’t remember his band being very good.

Anyway.. NXNW doesn’t exist anymore, it stopped around the time the ROCKET went out of circulation. SHIT. Remember the ROCKET? Oh man!

UPDATE: Holy crap I found it! His name was DJ GREGARIOUS! Remember now? Here is a link to his band’s LP, I guess they are still around: http://www.inmusicwetrust.com/articles/52r06.html

The internet is amazing. I’m going to go get some beers.

2nd UPDATE: I remember another story about DJ Gregarious! He went on a date with a certain girl whose name starts with a “J” and she said it was weird. Then he called the next morning and said “so are you going to have sex with me or what?” J told me that story. HA HA HA HA HA! Now I REALLY need some beers.

Random

I just finished listening to “Same Place the Fly Got Smashed” from the GBV Box set. Really good, but not as solid of an album as their later stuff. Now I’m listening to “Sandbox” from 1987. I was only 7 years old when it came out.

Looks like I’ll be moving on my birthday. Ugh. But it’s not just MY birthday! It’s also my Dad’s and Dave’s birthday. Shit yeah, Dave! We gotta get together on our birthday soon!

I have almost all of my stuff packed, and I can see how the “digital life” is desirable. All your albums on an iPod, just rent all your DVDs from Netflix, etc etc. Certainly desirable when you are moving, but once you have a room, nothing looks better than 600 cds and records on your wall. You can do so much with that.. you can do the “close your eyes and pick” which is one of my favorites. When you have people over and they ask “what music are you into?” you can just say “let me show you.”

Anyway, enough griping about moving! This blog should be called “Griping about moving and Guided By Voices blog.”

GBV Super Update

I just received my Guided By Voices boxset in the mail today… AND I won Guided By Voices Suitcase 1 and 2 on ebay! Get this.. Suitcase 2 is signed by Robert Pollard, and includes the rare bonus disc “Suitcase in Capsule Form.”

HOLY CRAP YES!

That means I have about 300 GBV tracks to go through, awesome!!! Oh yeah, we got an apartment too.

I’m listening to “King Shit and the Golden Boys” right now! It’s great. So is the apartment.

Garageland!

I can’t stop listening to New Zealand band Garageland! They make such kick ass songs, it’s a crime they didn’t become more popular in the States and elsewhere past their first album (which you can get for pennies, and I highly suggest you do).

Here is their MySpace page, where you can listen to a few of their songs. If you ask me, I’ll make you a copy of their CD and send it to you, seriously. I love them so much, and if there was a God they would still be together and touring, and come to L.A. so I can scream “play Graduation from Frustration!” and they would and we would have beers afterward and I would say “man.. Bus Stops is like, one of the greatest unrequited love songs in the world.. at least to me” and we’d all have a good laugh at how pathetic that sounds. Nude Star is one of my favorite songs of the decade. And I listen to lots o’ music, folks!

GARAGELAND!!!!!!!!!!

Apartments are great.

Just got back at looking at another apartment. Yes! This one is nice, yes? Yes. Hardwood floors, brand new everything, etc etc. AND, if we got it, we’d be saving 200 dollars a month EACH on rent. What would I do with my 200 dollars a month?

1. Gold teeth for my pet turtle
2. Start a penny collection
3. Help Ndugu
4. Buy a pet turtle
5. Two words: Dictionary!

I’m getting pretty good at doing wheelies on my Ve…

I’m getting pretty good at doing wheelies on my Vespa! Look out world!

Shopping!

I bought clothes today.. it was insane out there! It must have been super sale weekend, because there were a lot of sale-hungry people out there, ravenously digging through piles of clothes! Hmm.. let’s see what I got. Oh! Here are some weird Turkish jeans I got. They are pretty great! I really like the wash, and the fit is pretty interesting. It makes me have a Puerto Rican girl’s ass. Wassup, rockers?

Hmm.. here is a pretty great shirt. I like it a lot, I’ll wear it on my birthday. Oh.. my birthday, you say? Yeah, it’s coming up. It will be a good time to evaluate my life and say “oh man, I’m already 27. Crap!” I also got these great socks! When I was in the sock/underpants department, I was going to get these rad skull-and-crossbones underwear, but they didn’t have any in my size. I had a moral to this story, but now I totally forgot where I was going with it. Ha ha! And you read it! Sorry.

Hmm, I got this great sweatshirt and ZZZZzzzzzzz…. sorry, I’m bored with this conversation! So I went and saw “Borat,” and it was pretty funny. And shocking! It challenged my senses. I also saw that damn “Hill Have Eyes 2: They still have eyes!” trailer again. It makes me so mad.

Oh yeah, I went and looked at apartments today. Oh, only about 4 out of the 5 I saw were shitholes. I’m really crossing my fingers we get the one in Santa Monica, the move won’t be so bad and the apartment was great! PLEASE, APARTMENT JESUS! Wouldn’t that be great if there was a different Jesus for every purpose?! Like, “Chemistry Final Jesus” and “Salary Negotiation Jesus.” Help me, “Writer’s Block Jesus”!

“Malfunctioning Can Opener Jesus”
“Triscuits Are No Longer on Sale Jesus”
“Library Closes at 4 and these books are two weeks overdue Jesus”
“Rare Blondie 45 Jesus”