Parellel Lines in a slow decline!

A necklace of 50 eyes.. is your to keep!!!!

It says it is only 1:56 but it is really 2:56.

Pink’s hotdogs review: NOT THE BEST, but NOT HE THE worst. Not worth the wait. They are HOT DOGS people. LA is full of things that promise to be four times as good, they cost twice as much, and deliver half the satisfaction!! (Partial credit: Charley)

STAY TUNED FOR PICTURES OF HOOCHIE BUTTS FROM PARTY. THIS EXEMPLIFIES THE ABOVE STATEMENT.

I met Andy Kaufman tonight. Awesome!

Has the Shoe World Gone Mad?

I must ask this!!!!!! I was out shopping for shoes today.. and I couldn’t get ANYTHING in my size! I couldn’t even get a pair of brown checked Vans in 12!! WHAT IS HAPPENING? I’m freaking out, right? And I don’t feel like going to Hollywood. So I remember.. “ahh.. Urban Outfitters has a small shoe department, and they usually stock Onitsuka Tigers!” So I go down there, and find the pair I want, and ask for them in a size 12. I put them on, and they are too big! WHAT?!? Again!? First the Jack Purcells are too big in a 12, now these? Are shoe sizes getting bigger, or are my feet shrinking? I feel like I’m going mad! I get them in 11, and luckily they fit PERFECT.

I get home and complain to Jaxon how shoe sizes have gone insane, and how I can’t get anything in a size that fits me. He asks me “Are you sure you are a 12?” Don’t be a fool, I say! My red shoes are 12’s! I pick them up and show him the tag on the tongue, which says “11.”

PLLPPLLLPPPPP POOPING NOISE

11? Since when was I an eleven?!? Oh yeah.. for the last 10 freaking years!!! It is those darn Locals flip-flops that screwed me up! I ordered some size 11 Locals months ago, and had to end up giving them away because they were too small, so I got a size 12 from a happy island hopper. This is where my mind got all screwed up! Then, I order the Jack Purcells in 12, and Alex warms me they run big, and I get them and they did run big, approximately a size too large! “Should have got the 11, even though I wear a 12!” I related (a little joke for Charley).

So anyway.. the whole shoe debacle is over, and now I own some hangover-poo brown Tigers. PHEW!

Rant: The Public Eye, Celebrity Diseases, and Political Assholes

I guess it is time to get serious for a few moments. Just a few.

Rush Limbaugh is an asshole, right? The fat, pill popping, right-wing “commentator” sure knows how to cross lines. Not content with his daily politico hate speech about everything that is wrong with the country, he has turned to accusing celebrities with horribly debilitating diseases of fakery. Just when you think that he couldn’t get any lower, he accuses Michael J. Fox of faking his tremors during a political ad where he endorses a candidate who is pro-stem cell research. Limbaugh said that Fox was “exaggerating the effects of the disease,” thus exploiting his disease for political gain.

Fox has had Parkinson’s disease for nearly a decade now, and has stayed out of much of the public eye. He has testified in front of Congress, started a foundation for Parkinson’s disease research, and acted in a few episodes of popular series. This ad is really the first we’ve seen of Fox as a regular figure in years, even more if you didn’t watch “Spin City.”

To insinuate that Michael J. Fox would purposefully exaggerate or fake the tremors caused by both the disease and the medication is absolutely sickening. Would Limbaugh have said the same if it were anyone else on the ad with a horribly debilitating disease? Would he be so brazen and rude to poke fun at him as he tries and steady himself and keep composure during the most simple of tasks? Parkinson’s disease takes over your body in a way that I can only imagine as being the most frusturating experience in your life. My grandmother had Parkinson’s disease the last few years of her life, and it was heartbreaking to watch her try and drink a glass of water, but it shook so uncontrollably that she couldn’t get it an inch off the nightstand. Her body swayed and her voice weakened to the point that she stayed in bed during her last few months.

Mr. Limbaugh, you are a sad man. The fact that because Michael J. Fox is a celebrity doesn’t mean that he doesn’t suffer as much as anyone else. Rush Limbaugh cares for only one person, and that is himself. Along with being uninformed and willfully ignorant, he is devoid of the very thing that makes most people human: compassion and respect.

What a jerk.

General Update

How is everyone doing? Good, good. Me? Oh.. I’m fine! I’ve had this last week “off” and I’ve been doing wonderfully productive things. For instance, I picked up “The Beach Boys Love You” and Joe Jackson’s “Look Sharp” yesterday.. both rule! I also rearranged my room, and I have begun rearranging the apartment to.. you know.. get the bad elements out.

I carved a pumpkin, but let’s face it.. it didn’t turn out that great. I had to carve “GAY SAILOR” in the side just so it was recognizable.

Hmm.. that post right below should be explained. Alexis Marie Clark was a small bird I befriended in the park.. recognizable among all the other birds because of its distinct chirp. I fed the bird crumbs all the time. The name, you ask? I named it Alexis because I’m pretty sure the bird is female, Marie because I saw it near a burrito stand, and Clark for “Clark Kent,” because Superman could fly, much like my little bird friend. Get it? That’s what that post was about.. I miss that little bird. Nothing more.

I’m in a club now.. it’s a club of two, but a STRONG club of two! Its the Roky Erickson club. We collect all of Roky Erickson’s albums and rock to them. So far I’m a horrible failure, but his stuff is hard to find, ok?

Halloween? What’s that?

P.S. Never, ever, ever do a google image search for “kissing muscles.” You get way more than what you bargain for.

Oh Shoot!

Where is Alexis Clark?!?! Charley, you know who I’m talking about! Sorry bout that, Alexis Marie Clark! You were great! You looked exactly like J. Lo!!!!!!!!

Top 3: Albums I bought today

I took a trip to Amoeba today.. the best record store on the planet? Actually, I was more impressed with the Haight Amoeba in SF when I visited it years ago.. but the one in Hollywood will do while I’m here. Here are the albums I bought:

1. Turbonegro – Party Animals

Finally? It has been out for over a year, but it never came in at the record store I worked at, and I finally found it used at Amoeba. Hmmm… has Turbonegro lost their edge? Are they trying too hard? “City of Satan” sounds like it belongs on a second rate Metallica/Slayer album. We’ll see how I warm up.

2. Roxy Music – Flesh & Blood

Haven’t listened to this because I left this (and the next album) at Alex’s posh Hollywood apartment because I didn’t bring a bag worthy of carrying albums in. Supposedly a synth-heavy embarrasment to the Roxy Music catalog. I can’t wait.

3. Love & Rockets – Earth, Sun, Moon

Another chance taken on a cheap record.. this is supposed to be L&R’s move toward pop and away from the gothy Joy Division-esque debut “Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven.” I really like that album though.. it reminds me of Jesus & Mary Chain. We’ll see!

In other news: Q’s Billiards Club has free pool before 7 everyday. What a deal. And I’ve actually been doing pretty good.

Not looking forward to the holidays.

Until next post!

My Poor Friend

Presents: Let me get this straight…

So.. I paid 12 dollars to go in a corn maze, where 3/4 of the way through someone accused us of having a laser pointer, and then when I go to complain about the obvious rip off that is the corn maze (maze?!?! more like path!!!), the cops get called and I get threatened with arrest!!

THEN!! Aparrently everyone goes to the luau and I stay in the car util it is time to barf and RULE! I DID BOTH! Then I stay in the car and apologize + sober up until I get home, where I am still drunk, and I go into my awesome room and that stupid dog JOE took a SHIT right on my bed.. like he knew!!!! He put two poops on my bed!!!!!!!

What even happened tonight?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sailor Hat

Rant: Online Shopping!

Oh man, online shopping is so convenient.. a.k.a. so excruciating! I recently ordered the shoes above from Zappos.com. These shoes looks great! I originally wanted some other Jack Purcells from “Undefeated,” but they didn’t have my size, and they were probably some Japanese only limited edition designer kind that you have to live underwater for a year to even manufacture.. so they won’t be getting my size in until y3k. So I went with these because they look so great (Thanks to Isabelle for the tip).

But here is the excruciating part.. the wait! Me want NOW! Online ordering is missing the instant satisfaction of buying something, then immediately opening the package (on the way to the car/scooter, of course) and messing around with it. You have to wait, and wait, and wait. “Was that the mail man? I could have sworn I heard something, I better check.” Times 20.

But so convenient! Online, these shoes are 25 dollars cheaper than the stores! But BACK to the excruciating.. I didn’t try them on! I just ordered a size 12, because that is the size I always wear.. but what if I’m wrong? Then I have to ship them back, then wait to get another size! Excruciating!

You are probably thinking I should have tried them on in the store. Well, it was some hoity-toity jeans store and there were a bunch of fake women taking up the clerk’s time, so I just fondled the shoes and left. We’ll see what happens, true believers!

PSA: Lost Dog!

Has anybody seen a dog dyed dark green?
About two inches tall, with a strawberry blonde fall.
Sunglasses and a bonnet and designer jeans with appliques on it.

The dog that brought me so much joy, has left me wallowing in pain!

Top 3: Photos from Six Flags

Here are three photos I took at Six Flags, but I took them with my camera phone since my digital camera is still broken. There will be more pictures when Isabelle uploads hers to the digital internet.

This is an incredibly realistic fake wolf, replacing the wolves that were slaughtered and/or driven off when the white man decided to put up an amusement park north of Los Angeles. My spirit weeps.

This says “Destroy Your Life.” When we walked by a second time, Mike noticed there was as sticker on the side that said “Hit Them in the Head.” Not even making this shit up. BONUS: There is a handicapped parking permit in the window. Funny!?!

These two gentlemen are riding a hot dog(?) down a churro (sp?). Basically, I have no fucking clue what is going on here, I just thought it was funny that this was painted on the outside of some weird snack cart. No arms.

Presents: Scary Omen!

This was my mileage when I pulled over to get gas a few days ago. Too bad it wasn’t 6:66 in the morning, too!

I’m off to Six Flags, but now I’m a seasoned veteran, so I won’t scream so hard that I weep uncontrollably for 15 minutes after the first rollercoaster. Just kidding, I didn’t do that. It was more like 5 minutes, and more like a heavy sobbing.

Presents: Vivid Dreams!

Wow.. I had the craziest, most vivid dream last night. I was at my parent’s place, but the house was completely different. There was some sort of open house party happening, which eventually turned into a sort of coup. People were taking our stuff and messing it up, throwing it around, relocating it. Someone went for my records!! She started violently pushing them through a window, but I convinced her to stop. Some of them fell behind the shelf though.

From this point, all the sudden I am at the bottom of the mountain that my parents live on. People are parking everywhere! My friend shows up, and she says “Hey.. who is that?” I look over and it’s Bruce Springsteen, parking this weird ska-inspired checkered car! “Holy Shit!” I say, and I start running up the mountain to get a record and a sharpee. When I get to the house, exhausted, I start looking for my Born to Run record.. but I can’t find it! All I can find is my Born in the USA record, which is awesome but not the record I would have The Boss sign. I finally just take the Born in the USA album and a black sharpee and start running. BUT.. I change my mind and go back for the metallic silver sharpee. Nice thinking.

Now, you would think running down a mountain would be faster than running up, but it wasn’t. It took a really long time. By the time I got down there, Bruce was gone, but his car was there. I hung out at his car until I woke up.

The funny thing is about this whole ridiculous dream is that even though it was taking place in this weird unreal dreamworld, my record collection knowledge stayed firmly rooted in reality! I couldn’t find that Born to Run for Bruce to sign anywhere.. and I realized when I woke up that I don’t even own Born to Run on vinyl, I just have that super box set version! The time wasted in my dream looking for the quintessential Boss item for him to sign cost me an autograph, and a chance to talk with The Boss. It was a dream, after all, so I could have played basketball with him or even recorded his next record.

Note to self: Next time you dream about a famous musician showing up where you live, you have the permission to go outside the boundries that real life holds you to! You can own every record in the universe in your dream! DON’T MESS IT UP NEXT TIME!

Presents: Sayonara Retail?

Tonight was my last night at the record store. I’ll admit.. there is a little bit of sadness. The drunken Sundays. The dance parties. The theme nights. I’ll miss working with my friends and having a lot of fun with them in a place that could have been boring. Fortunately, we all live close to one another, and can still hang out! I’ll also miss the free/cheap records. This job paid shit, but kept me afloat when I didn’t have transportation or even a clue on where to work. Plus, I met the awesome giver of the mixtape. She is awesome.

So.. I guess ths presents my “final’ albums I picked up this week. I’m sure it will continue in the future, but let’s face it.. I won’t be bringing home 10 new CDs a week any more.

Here’s what I actually bought today.. my final day as a Second Spin employee:

1. The Rapture – Pieces of People We Love
Oh… dance punk.. what a shitty genre title. But hey.. at least The Rapture put out a pretty good album here. It really reminds me of listening to Hot Hot Heat all those years ago.

2. Exene Cervenka and the Original Sinners – Sev7en
One of two X purchases. I really like this album. Hmmm… what else to say?

3. X – Wild Gift
It has bonus tracks! And now I’m obligated to be more into X now that I live in Los Angeles. Wait.. I don’t own X’s Los Angeles. Shit…

4. Back To Mine: New Order
This is one of those compilations that is put together by bands. This was put together by.. New Order! It has some pretty awesome songs by Captain Beefheart, Primal Scream, Roxy Music, and some crazy electronic stuff I’ve never heard before.

5. The Dandy Warhols – Dandy’s Rule, OK?
Finally. I listened to this all the time in Portland.. but never owned it. Foolish!

6. Peaches – Impeach my Bush
FUCK YES!

7. Wire – Pink Flag (DELUXE!)
Yes.. remastered and sounding so great. This is the most expensive CD I bought from Second Spin. I also picked up the remastered “154″ earlier, and I still have the remastered “Chairs Missing” on hold.. for when I get paid. Wire is amazing. I won’t stop saying it! I refuse!

8. Devo – Live at the Palace 12/9/88
This is hands down the best live album I’ve ever heard. Holy shit. You have to track this album down. it’s sort of hard to find. I was really excited when it came in.

9. Pavement – Slanted and Enchanted DELUXE
Finally.. I can place it next to my Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain and have a Pavement deluxe explosion. I realized today that the absolute best album to drive around Southern California to is Crooked Rain. There is no better.

And that’s it, ladies and gentlemen. The end of on era. Oh yeah! I will also miss all the regulars I became friends with! There is this older guy named “Bert,” and we always talk about jazz guitar like Django Rheinhardt or the Cheap Suit Serenaders. We exchanged numbers, and we are going to go see this band that does Django covers in some weird little jazz bar. I’m looking forward to that. THEN.. Ella came in and told me to wear a suit and drive my Vespa to this club that let’s Vespa riders in for free. It was a funny night. Bye, bye retail? Let’s hope so.